As the parent of an addicted child, feelings of helplessness, blame, and fear can drown out any sense of hope. If your child uses alcohol or drugs, you know firsthand how it affects your family. You may be carrying your child’s addiction on your own shoulders. You’ve cried and felt scared, wondering if today the drug would take your child forever. You might have been angry and asked, “How did I miss the warnings?” or wondered, “What did I do wrong?”
You love your child but, like one patient’s mother told me, you may feel overcome with fear. She sat across from me and through her tears, she cried, “I didn’t know what to do. I thought I was going to lose her.”
If addiction has plagued your family, you see up-close how alcohol and drugs invade your child’s brain and create abnormal behaviors. Angry outbursts. Defensiveness. Rebellion. When you try to control these behaviors, you set in motion a conflict that escalates the problem. So you establish strict rules, and when your child violates them, you punish the behavior. Soon you find yourself stuck in a cycle of control and out-of-control. It’s easy to become overwhelmed with the battle.
The majority of teens I treated used marijuana, usually multiple times a day. When asked why they used it, most said, “It helps my anxiety.” Their answer points to an important clue hidden below the surface of substance abuse: There could be an underlying reason why your child uses alcohol or drugs. It might be to relieve anxiety or depression. Perhaps it’s to avoid traumatic memories like bullying. It might be to cope with a psychological issue, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, attention deficit disorder, or a personality disorder...
While not every child using substances has an underlying psychological issue, for those that do, treating thealcohol or drug problem without treating the mental health issue behind it can be a treatment plan doomed to fail.
When you look beyond your child’s drinking or drug use, you may discover their struggle to manage intolerable thoughts, feelings, or memories is a core issue that requires treatment.However, you’re probably not equipped with the resources, training, or education to adequately do so. Therefore,it’s important that you insist on a comprehensive psychological and medical assessment before starting any treatment.
If you’ve been down this road, you might have already taken this step. Hearing the results of your child’s psychological assessment and diagnoses can be more difficult than hearing the details of their substance use. No parent wants to hear that their child is “broken.” You probably knew something about their alcohol or drug use, but the psychological findings can be shocking. Shattering. Confusing. Frightening.
I have sat in hundreds of diagnostic conferences when parents heard for the first time that their child has severe anxiety, major depression, or suffers from an emerging personality disorder or schizophrenia. Hearing these diagnoses is heartbreaking because parents usually see the substance abuse while completely unaware of the underlying mental health issues.
Your child may be creative at flying under the radar and discreetly hiding their substance use. The most frequent reactionI heard from parents was, “I had no idea this was going on!” Or if they suspected their child was using a substance, they were shocked at how extensive it was. Sometimes it was weekly use. Often it was daily.
There are important differences between adult and adolescent substance use disorders. Unlike the adult brain, your child’s brain is a work in process and reaches maturity in their mid-twenties. Thus, introducing alcohol or drugs into their maturing brain puts your child at risk of developing a substance use disorder.
The consequences of substance use are another difference. Adults abusing substances often experience catastrophic consequences, such as losing a job or relationship. Many have been incarcerated. Adolescents, on the other hand, experience few consequences other than the threat of punishment from their parents, which often reinforces their substance use as a form of rebellion.
Discovering your child has a substance abuse problem is not a death sentence. It doesn’t have to be the fate of your child. In fact, information truly is power when battling addiction. So we begin our journey with a summary of adolescent substance use. Much of the information in Chapter One and other chapters is borrowed from the University of Michigan’s Monitoring the Future studyiand other sources, as noted. Each year Monitoring the Future surveys students in eighth, tenth, and twelfth grades and reports their use of alcohol and drugs and their opinions on those substances.
Chapter Two explains the neuroscience of substance abuse. Alcohol and drugs have the power to change your child’s brain. The chemicals also influence behaviors you probably find unacceptable. This chapter explains how substances work within your child’s brain.
Chapter Three describes how psychiatrists, addictions counselors, psychologists, and social workers assess your child. The best treatment starts with a comprehensive assessment, and in this chapter you’ll be led through the assessment process.
Chapter Four through Chapter Twelve briefly summarize alcohol and the street drugs used by today’s adolescents. You may be unaware of many drugs invading our communities, but these chapters give an overview of them.
Chapter Thirteen explains process disorders like eating behaviors and self-harm. These sometimes accompany alcohol and drug use and can also trap a child who is not using substances. If your child develops a substance use disorder along with a process disorder, it’s important that both be assessed and treated.
Chapter Fourteen and Chapter Fifteen describe principles for adolescent substance abuse treatment and treatment options.
Chapter Sixteen identifies evidence-based approaches to treatment. Recovery resources are also provided to help guide you and your child toward healing.
Chapter Seventeen lists resources including references to educational consultants, mental health and substance abuse resources, and information on support groups. Not only does your child need support, but parents do too. It’s a difficult road that no parent should have to walk alone. This book’s goal is to equip you with what you need to help not only the child you love, but also yourself as you navigate it.